If I was a garden I would bloom in black for you.

Damn, sitting here typing some shit.. Obviously!  And man, I don't remember it taking me this long to type out my thoughts.  I haven't done it in a while so maybe I just repressed that part.  But it is an almost insurmountable barrier to me posting anything of value!  If this typing BS could keep up with my overloaded thought process then maybe I could immortalize some cool shit on the interwebs.  But instead I am left with fleeting memories of sentences and cheap cologne.  Screw you Johnny Appleseed!

It's settled.  I am infesting myself with worms.

I just started reading these blogs again because my wife started a blog and wants me to start one as well. I had completely forgot about these here. So my memory was bottled and i was eager to read them. Man, kinda tough. A lot of tough times encapsulated here and shoved rectally into my mind!!!! I had suffered thru a real harsh year after leaving Iraq and the military. Lost 100 pounds and was sure my life was over. During the worst of it when docs would shrug their shoulders and say "I don't know..." I often contemplated just how long I could hold on. I couldn't eat, sleep or even talk at times. I felt like a ghost still trapped in this cage of flesh just waiting to be released. Started to long for it. But the one thing that stopped me was hope for my future. Hope for a family still unknown. Hope for my daughter Annika. Hope to have my wife, Angela. And that hope was real and is here now. So I am very thankful for everything I have now and all those I share my life with. Thanks also to those who had kind words of encouragement for me as I struggled for life.

And thanks to many toilets across the globe. Thanks for letting me release.

I was sitting in front of my computer screen.  Lights blinking.  Heads stinking with knowledge.  Escaping like the fumes of oderous legs left open.  "My eyes!" I scream.  Like bugs they pop and the corn becomes wedged in so like so many before it.  I abhor it.  But still my mind stores it.  Ingrained like so many before it.  What have I done to deserve such unfettered abuse and inconsistance?  Was it the washy wishy decision to feed the trough of the hungry with cow dung and hollister sized nipples?  Sorry if I inconvienenced you! 

So like uh, I'm bored.  And my life is more of the same.  Except it's more of the more of the same if you catch my drift.  And I'm not sure that you do.  Do you?  Why are you staring at me wide mouthed and drooling?  Do I salivate your mammory glands so?  My bad.  Your good.  Now leave me to my inner self hate and outward peace of mindless actions unbecoming of a gentleman.  SLAP SLAP.  I challenge you to a farting contest.  Now get your stinking glove out o' me face Jack!

My mind reaches for the next step.  My limitless potential undone.  Down we spiral.  Twisting in the nether of consumer idealism.  I gasp for breath.  My eyes become heavy.  I am drowning.  But my eternal fear of the unknown is replaced with a placidity only my sudden realization of the truth could provide.  My eyes may be closed but I now see farther than I ever have.  Down the path.  Beware the weeds.  The tangles of the past left for dead.  Leave them where they belong.  Reach the never.  leaving.  dying.  living for the first time.

Here'st I am.  Miss America...   In Africa.  I finally arrived about 2 weeks ago.  Don't know what to say except "the winters are remarkably mild!".  I live in a tent with about 10 other dudes.  But there are wood walls erected for our privacy.  And because of such wood is erected in private.  Living conditions suck compared to where I was but that is the price I must pay to make the money that I now do.  But I noticed a disconnect along the way.  It should be the harder you work the more you make and the further you go.  But it seems the further I go the more I make and the LESS I work!!!  But that is fine.  Gives me time to train for things to add to my resume. 
Being as this is my first blog in awhile I am a little out of shape so I must rest. 
Bis Spater my chums and chunks of pirates!!